Date number 11 has been planned for over a month. I was matched with this guy back when I first joined eharmony on September 18th and the following day he gave me his number in case I was interested in texting. Since this was at the beginning of my journey, I was apprehensive about giving out my number right away. In fact I never even gave my number to my first couple of dates, we just planned the date through email. So I remember writing him back about how it would probably just be best to keep communicating through email. And we did that for awhile, just short little emails back and forth, each time I wondered how many more it would take for him to ask me out. He never did, until finally on October 7th he finally brought up relationships and asked me what I was looking for exactly. He already knew about my 30 dates because of my profile, but I went into a bit more detail about the pressures I put on myself with first dates in the past.
If you want to hear more about that, here is the link I told you I would post when I was interviewed on the radio show MOD Love about dating:
I come in around minute 26.
He emailed back and his response ended with this statement:
“I know how much pressure dating can be, that’s why I think it’s cool to have this conversation first. We aren’t even texting yet, so that lets me know you are taking it slow, but just how slow? I would love to continue to get to know you and hopefully we will. But you have to be willing to take risks in order for there to be progression.”
I was a little confused by that email, so I wrote back asking what he meant about taking risks. He later said I needed to put myself out there at some point. Again, I was confused, so when I wrote back, I explained to him that I had been waiting for him to ask me out. He wrote back the next day and said:
“I haven’t asked you out because you don’t even want to text lol. I would love nothing more than to go out with you! But normally when someone doesn’t want to text, they really have no intention of ever going out in the first place. Some girls are different but I usually have a number before the first date is all Im saying lol. I’m sorry I haven’t actually asked you out but you said you wanted to get to know me here first. I take that as no date for a long time haha. So sorry for the confusion. Like I said I would love for us to meet!”
I had totally forgotten by this point, that he ever asked about texting. I was a bit more relaxed with giving out my number now, I just had forgotten to tell him. So I gave him my number and due to my schedule we planned a date for November 1st. Again, I felt badly, making him wait this long, especially, since we began communication on September 18th! However, he said he had a few things going on and he worked a lot too, so it worked out perfectly for him.
The week leading up to our date was a bit chaotic for me due to some obligations at work and many times I responded to his texts several hours late to explain I was sorry and that I just had a lot on my plate. He said he understood and asked me if I needed to re-schedule our date for Saturday. I knew I had to start a few assignments, but I told myself I could do that Saturday morning/afternoon before our date at 6:00. I told him I would be fine, after all, he had been waiting since September 18th and was being so darn patient. So we kept it as planned.
But then it snowed. On November 1st. In South Carolina. And if you live here, you know snow changes everything.
My power went out around 7am, I got up for two minutes to see an inch of snow on the ground and then got back in bed. Every hour or so after that, I would get out of bed, notice the power was still not on, then get back in bed to stay warm. Finally around noon, Mr. Patient texted me and I told him we had snow and my power was out. He told me it didn’t snow at his house, so he was shocked. He said, “If your power doesn’t come back on soon, you will not be able to get ready for our date tonight.” I am glad he realized that, because those were the exact thoughts going around in my head. Especially because I had not washed my hair the day prior. Who wants to go on a first date, not showering with greasy hair?! I told him I would let him know in a few hours if the power was back on. He said, if it wasn’t, he didn’t mind re-scheduling.
By 2, it wasn’t back on and so I texted him and cancelled our date. I went on and on about how badly I felt, but being the patient guy that he is, he was totally understanding.
Then Mr. KJWTS texted.
I was a bit overwhelmed because I had planned to get some assignments finished for school, but without the internet and heat, laying in my bed was about all I was getting accomplished. When I shared this with him, he suggested I bring my work to his house and he told me that he had a gas fireplace and that I would be really warm. He lives over an hour away and he didn’t get snow or lose power. I don’t even know if he was serious at first, but the more we texted, the more the idea was sounding good to me. I could not believe I was considering this. I told him I REALLY needed to get work done and that it was going to be hard to justify the drive. He explained he had work to do as well and that he would leave me alone. He said that just being together in the same place would be nice. I told him that if I came, I was probably going to need to shower at his house and he was fine with that. Before I could talk myself out of it, I changed out of my pajamas, put on make-up, pulled my greasy hair up into a messy bun and I got in the car and started driving towards his house.
Notice I didn’t even get a picture this time.
Yes, I do realize this was more than me just wanting to get warm and about getting some of my work done. It was because I wanted to see him again. But I couldn’t let myself know that. Due to my lack of dating, I have rarely let another person determine my emotions and thus affecting my every day decisions. So when I sense this starting to happen, it starts to freak me out a bit. I begin to think of all of the areas where I could get hurt or where I could hurt him and I begin to pull away before there is even a possibility of getting too involved. Hence, the whole not dating in my 20s thing. Mr. KJWTS has called this my “freakout meter.” Once, before our second date, he told me to let him know if my freakout meter ever got above a 5. So, as I began driving to his house on roads no longer layered with snow, my freakout meter began to rise steadily.
What was I doing? Cancelling on one guy to go out on a 3rd date with another? Was this even a date? Was I going to blog about this? I wonder if greasy hair is a major turn off?
When I got there, I walked up to his door and knocked. He opened it and unlike last time, I stayed out on the front porch, offering him no welcoming hug. He looked at me, I looked at him and with a pouty lip and scrunchy face, I told him my freakout meter was a bit high. He smiled and told me to come in.
I walked in and immediately began telling him that I was not sure that this was such a good idea that I came… and that I had so much work to get done… and that we did homework on our second date, so our third date was supposed to be something way more fun… and that he was going to think I was boring… and that I had greasy hair… and that I really needed to shower…but instead just needed to get my work done, so a shower would have to wait.
After my word vomit, he looked at me and went to touch my hair. I swatted away his hand and told him he would not be touching my hair under these conditions. He asked me if I wanted him to leave me alone, so I could get started on my work. I patted the seat on the couch next to me and told him to just sit for a second while my freakout meter lowered a bit. He did and we talked (although I can’t remember what we talked about). He had the fireplace on and some kind of classical music playing. He told me I was still beautiful even without a shower and I started to feel myself relax. I eventually pulled out my laptop to begin a paper and he went upstairs to his office to do some work.
At one point, he came back down, walked around the living room and I asked him how to turn the music down. He did that for me and then went back upstairs. It occurred to me that I had no idea why he had come down in the first place. He probably didn’t know how to handle me. And rightly so. I barely know how to handle me. After a bit more time had passed, he came back down and started reading on the couch.
I eventually reached my limit of writing my paper, which wasn’t much by the way. I don’t know how I can whip out these blog posts weekly and then feel like my teeth are getting pulled when writing a research paper. I pulled out some papers to grade for my classes and he asked if he could help. We sat on the couch with the answer key in between us and graded the papers in a record time. By this time it was after 7pm and he offered to go pick up something for dinner. I thought that was incredibly sweet of him to offer that, instead of asking to go out, since I still had not showered. I told him that sounded great and that I would shower while he was out. He showed me the guest bathroom and then left.
After showering and putting on sweatpants and a sweatshirt, I knew it was pointless to put on make-up or really do anything with my hair since it was already so late. I decided to put on a light layer of foundation powder, and as I was blow drying my hair, I heard him come back home. I settled for a half wet hair look and went downstairs to join him for dinner. I am not going to lie, having barely any make-up on, I was a bit worried he wasn’t going to find me as pretty anymore. But I went downstairs and tried to act confident and smiled at him. He told me I looked more relaxed and invited me to his couch to eat dinner while he turned on the television.
After we ate, I did another small assignment while he cleaned up and started making some kind of shortcake dessert that he put in the oven. At one point he came over to sit by me on the couch and touched my hair asking if I had naturally wavy hair, since it was beginning to dry on its own. I said it kind of does its own thing when it air dries and I smiled at him, knowing he was probably relieved I didn’t swat his hand away this time. He ran his hand through my hair and said he liked my hair a lot and then got back up to get the dessert as the timer went off in the oven.
After we ate dessert, he asked if I wanted to watch a movie and I knew I should have said no. I knew it was going to be a very late night, if I didn’t leave soon. But I said yes and told my freakout meter to shut the heck up.
After the movie, I glanced at my phone and groaned about how late it was. He told me to remember it was still an hour earlier because of the time change and that I didn’t need to leave yet. I did need to leave though. I thanked him for having such a servant’s heart, for letting me come to his house to do homework yet again and for getting dinner.
On the drive home my phone lit up with a text. As I glanced at it, the last part said, “You grow more beautiful the more I get to know you and the less makeup you wear. Drive Safe!”
And there you go folks, Mr. Knows Just What To Say strikes again.
Now, I know what you are thinking. You are wondering if I am going to give up my 30 dates thing, you are wondering if Mr. KJWTS will just get the rest of them. With that, all I can say is, we already have a 4th date planned, but that is as far as I will go in thinking ahead. I can only tell my freakout meter to shut up for so long. So don’t get ahead of me and think this guy is “the one” or anything. I have told myself from the beginning, I don’t need to figure that out so soon, that is what brings on the pressure. Take one date at a time, and that is what I am doing. I’ve got to do what I can handle. And right now, it is to continue the next 19 dates with other guys as well.
So 19 dates and counting down. Until this weekend.