An Indecisive Date 12

The guy that I went out with on Saturday began communicating with me on September 17th. It took us about 9 days to get to the email stage and even after that he usually took awhile to respond. When he finally did on October 4, this was his response:

“Please forgive me for the delay. A combination of trying to finish out a real estate deal while dealing with the ins and outs of a broken leg has provided certain challenges for me. I’m here, I’m interested, but just went silent for a bit dealing with pain and resting. Hope you can understand.So do I still have a shot in this game of yours? Or have you hit the 30 mark already?”

It turns out that in his free time he races professionally and he broke his leg in a crash back in September. I asked him how he felt about going out in November and he said that worked well for him, so he could recover a bit from his leg surgery. The more and more dates that I go on, the more and more grateful I become of these guys being willing to be apart of my 30 dates “game,” as Racer Dude worded it up there. I think I am becoming more appreciative, because I am getting less and less responses via eharmony, and some have even blocked me or what eharmony calls as “moved on.” The appreciation also comes because some guys are having to travel several hours to meet me for one date. But to me, it is more than just a game. It is my life and it has been a rewarding experience, with many lessons learned along the way.

Racer Dude and I began texting way back on October 9th and in his first email as well as first text he called me “lil lady.” That was original, however I kinda wondered how many other girls in his inbox had that same nickname. The following day, I asked him if he wanted to plan for a date on November 8th. I was starting to get used to the idea of planning dates one month in advance, that I didn’t think much about it anymore. However, with dates being planned that far ahead of time, I always wonder if the guy is still going to remember me and want to go out when the day actually comes. I texted him earlier in the week to make sure he was still good for Saturday. He said he was. When we were actually out on the date he brought up the fact that he thought it was so funny that I planned our date so ahead of time. He said he has never done that before and is usually way more “spur of the moment.” I thanked him for being patient and for actually blocking off this day in his schedule to go out on a date with me.

Even though we planned that our date was going to take place on November 8, neither one of us had taken the initiative to plan what we would do in that month’s time. So a few days prior to Saturday, he texted me again, his usual, “Hey lil lady.” I said hey back and aked him what his thoughts were about Saturday. He told me he was at my mercy. So I had been thinking of this plan in a neighboring town, that seemed to be in the middle of our two cities. Racer Dude lived the farthest away than any of my other dates, I believe like 3.5 to 4 hours. I typed out my plan and he was all for it. However, the day of the date, I actually looked up how far this “neighboring town” was and it was 2.5 hours from me! I was running some errands that afternoon and I still had a few things to do. Being in a car for 5 hours in one day by myself did not seem very fun at all. So I texted him again and said this:

“How long would it take you to get there? I just looked again for me and realized that it will take me 2.5 hours and I am trying to decide if it’s worth it.”

What I meant by “worth it” was the original plan that I came up with – to go see one of my former students play college basketball. I want to go to one of his games, but thought I would wait until he played a bit closer.

He might have taken the “worth it” meaning worth even meeting him.

Whoops. My bad.

His response:

“Well I was just about to leave, so I could get there early, so tell me now if that is what we are doing or not. Did you want to meet elsewhere? Or scrap the whole idea?”

I texted him back and literally said, “Whoa, are you frustrated with me?” I explained to him that of course I did not want to scrap the whole idea of meeting him. This was before re-reading the text I sent him and realized that it kinda sounded bad on my end. He said he wasn’t frustrated, but I called him to just make sure. He didn’t answer. I thought I was in trouble, I thought that another date was about to be cancelled.

I typed out a suggestion for another town where we could meet that would be about the same distance for him, but only an hour for me. He called back and apologized for missing my call. I apologized for changing our plans hours before our date and told him I hoped he didn’t think I was some ditzy blonde girl that couldn’t keep things straight.

Once we got that settled, he pretty much left everything up to me. Every time I asked him a question, he turned it right back to me and would throw in a few “sweeties” every once and awhile. I could tell he didn’t want to make any decisions. “Sweetie, it doesn’t matter to me,” was his favorite response. So I told him I would meet him at Starbucks at 5:00 and we could decide where to go to dinner from there.

A few minutes later I texted him and said (because of my ditzy blonde comment) that I hoped he wasn’t expecting some hot bombshell blonde walking into Starbucks to meet him. I let him know that I was actually brunette with some blonde highlights and that I wasn’t ditzy.

He asked me if I was going to “catfish” him. That was the second time I heard that phrase, once before from Mr. Facetime. I asked him what that meant and he explained.

Here is what Urban Dictionary tells us:

A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they’re not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.

Did you hear how Dave got totally catfished last month?! The fox he thought he was talking to turned out to be a weird guy from San Diego!
or
I was really falling for that gorgeous gal on Facebook, but she turned out to be a catfish.

I told him that the pictures I posted were most definitely me and that if I were trying to catfish anyone, I would have at least chosen pictures of girls that were in relation to Carrie Underwood or Jessica Alba’s level of hotness to post in my profile.
I told him to just expect that I wasn’t as pretty in person and then he wouldn’t be disappointed. He told me that was a given. And then I just wanted to end this conversation about looks before I got any more insecure, especially because I was a bit broken out that day.

I might have put on a bit extra of my concealer and edited that picture below to hide some of my blemishes, but I was as ready as I was gonna get. I at least felt prettier than a catfish.

date 12 pic

Since one of his earlier texts said he was going to get there early, I decided to also get there early, around 4:45. I texted him and told him to let me know when he was there. He didn’t get there till 5:15, but I was alright with that, because I was still feeling pretty badly about changing plans on him last minute and making him drive 2.5 hours to our meeting place. I was waiting in my car, but then around 5:15, began walking into Starbucks. At that very moment, a car passed by me and I hear, “Hey lil lady, I am looking for a parking spot.” At least he recognized me from my pictures. I sat at one of the outside tables and waited. He had warned me that he would still be on one crutch, so a few minutes later, he came walking over to me. He sat down and I asked him if he wanted to get coffee or just go straight to dinner. After a few back and forth questions, we decided on dinner. I finally narrowed it down to two places and I told him he needed to pick from there. He couldn’t or he wouldn’t, I am not sure which. So finally I said we could flip a coin to determine. The coin told us where to go and we were off!

During dinner, he asked me about my 30 dates again. As I was explaining the pressures I put on myself when it came to dating, he said he agreed completely. He said that he used to spend the whole first date, wondering if he should try and kiss the girl at the end of the date. He said that made the date itself not as enjoyable to him because he was worrying the whole time about the kiss. I found that very interesting, I’ve always wondered if guys thought about the kiss or if that was just a spur of the moment thing. I never had to worry about it myself because I already made my mind up that I was not going to kiss on these 30 dates. So far, none of my dates have even led me to believe that they might try and kiss me, well maybe with the exception of date 5, but I backed up before that became an awkward situation. Anyway, he told me that he realized he wasn’t being himself on the date, when all he could think about was the kiss, so he made a rule. He told himself that he wouldn’t even THINK about the kiss until date 3. He said on date one, you are just trying to really get to know the other person. Then if she says yes to date two, it either means she liked you on date one or just wasn’t sure. So date 2 is still not kiss worthy. Then he said, by date 3, she was either crazy or most likely it meant she liked him, so he would consider it then. As I was hearing his plan on kissing, I thought that was adorable. Mostly because deep down I wondered if the guys that I have already been out on dates with had been disappointed that there wasn’t a kiss. I wasn’t sure if guys thought, “Well I paid for her meal, the least she could do is give me a goodnight kiss.”

After dinner, I wasn’t ready for the date to end. So I looked at him and said, “Now what?” Of course, he turned that back on me. So after going back and forth again, I decided on a movie. I narrowed it down to two movies and I told him he MUST pick from there, no coin was going to help him out this time. He picked and we drove to the theatre.

As we walked up to pay for our tickets, I told him I would pay for the movie, since he paid for dinner. He laughed and just shook his head. So as we got further in line and he opened up his wallet, I told him that I was serious and I was just not offering to be nice. He told me I wasn’t going to pay and that was the end of that conversation. Well hello Mr. Decisive, I didn’t know you existed 🙂

I was enjoying the movie, but he was shifting a lot in his seat because of his leg. At one point, I leaned over and asked him how he was feeling and gave him a sympathetic look. He said he was fine, and I commented about how it was a long movie. He said, “I know, you are probably bored, we can go if you want.” I didn’t say it was a long movie because I was bored, I said it more to be sympathetic about him having to constantly shift his weight for his leg. I said that I was fine and that I didn’t want to leave. That is when I realized he was probably self-conscious about the fact that he had picked that movie and he felt responsible because it was his choice. I realized then that guys are probably more insecure about making date plans, than I thought. First dates are hard, because you barely know the person at all. I am sure that the guy wants to make sure the girl is having a great time and they probably put a lot of pressure on themselves in that area. That is probably why Racer Dude wanted me to decide everything. Guys want to know if the girl is having fun, while the girl just wants to know if the guy finds her pretty.


Sidenote: I have a friend who has realized how hard date planning can be. So much so, that he decided to become a bit of a dating consultant. He plans the dates for the guys. He offered to help my dates out, but I just haven’t known a good way to tell my dates to contact him. But if anyone is interested in having someone else plan your date, to take the pressure off a bit, even if you are already in a relationship or married, you should check him out. You can contact him by email at ben@onpurposeadventures.com.


So as we were walking out, he apologized for the movie and said he probably enjoyed it more than I did. I told him that I enjoyed it too, and that he had nothing to apologize for! We got in his car and he drove me back to where we started, Starbucks. I thanked him again for dinner, for the movie, and for being willing to drive so far to meet me. He asked me to text him when I got home, so he knew I got home safe. I told him I would and I walked to my car.

When I got home, I texted him that I had a great time and I thanked him for being a gentleman. He later texted me back and said he had a great time too and ended it with…yep…you guessed it, “Sweet dreams lil lady.”

18 dates and counting down. Until next weekend.

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