Sometimes I feel like I am watching my life unfold around me like a movie. I really feel like I am acting out and writing about a character in a story. And then I blink a few times and think, “Nope, this is really my life.” It still seems unreal to me that I have gone out with 11 different guys on 11 first dates in just two month’s time. And now I am writing about a 4th date with the same guy. I am honestly not sure I have ever been on a fourth date before in my life. Not just “get togethers” with friends, but 4 actual dates. with. the. same. person. Umm, freakout meter, calm yourself down now.
It is actually a comforting feeling to know that they are dates. Do you know what I mean? I feel like so many times in society today, guys and girls go out, but half of the time, they don’t know what to call it. A guy may ask the girl to come watch the game with him or girls may get sick of waiting for the guy to ask, so she asks the guy if he wants to grab lunch or something. And then they hang out, maybe they like each other, maybe they are just friends, maybe it’s a date, but no one is really sure. I am not saying that everything has to have a title and that it needs to be expressed that both parties think that it is a date. I am just saying, it is nice, that I don’t feel like I am guessing. I don’t feel like we are playing some game. We call it what it is. A date. And did I say, this was our 4th one?
As you probably already know, this 4th date was with Mr. Knows Just What To Say, same as dates 3, 9 and 11. I keep waiting for him to not live up to his nickname or something else to go wrong or for one of us to get sick of each other or SOMETHING. But it never happens. Don’t get me wrong, we have been communicating for about two months now, especially through texts, and there have been times where miscommunication has occurred. However, I am always amazed at how we end up handling it. I feel like we communicate very well and I know this may sound weird, but our brains think very similarly.
We planned this 4th date, a couple of days after our 3rd, so it had been in the works for a couple of weeks. Mr. KJWTS told me he would drive to my town this time, since dates 2 and 3, I drove to his house. I wasn’t sure what we would do and I doubted he did either. But my mind was too consumed with my professional work and GRAD school, I couldn’t even think about it. We both could have fun with each other just doing homework and watching a movie, so I wasn’t worried.
When he got here, I showed him around my house a bit. He told me it looked like a “model home” by how I decorated and I almost leaked my nickname for him right then and there.
It was a somewhat chilly and cloudy day, but still bearable, so I suggested we go get some boiled peanuts (my most desired treat since moving to the South) and eat them at my favorite park in town. I bundled up with my coat and gloves and he changed from his dress shirt that he had worn to church that morning.
We spent a little over an hour at the park, just swinging and overlooking the pond. During this time, I decided I needed to tell him about the blog. I had been avoiding it because I didn’t want him to spend his weekends reading my blog posts about other dates. And I didn’t want him knowing that I was writing about each date to influence the things he said or did.
“I have a secret I need to tell you?” I said a bit shyly as I turned to look at him as we were swinging back and forth. “You are married?!” he exclaimed. I laughed. “You have a kid?” he said again. I laughed even more and shook my head. “Ok, don’t tell me you are really a man,” he announced glaring back at me with a smile.
“Are you going to let me tell you?!” I asked him, thinking my little confession was miniscule compared to his jokes. I started telling him about how I knew I was going to have to tell him eventually, but the first date was probably too soon and now that it was the fourth date, he probably had the right to know…and…
He just looked at me and I figured I should get to the point.
“So, you know with my whole 30 dates thing…well…I am blogging about each date.”
Now that I think about it, I can’t really remember what his reaction was. Which just means he seemed cool with it. I went on to explain to him how my blog got started and that I wanted him to know now, sooner rather than later. Especially, in case, for some reason it got back to him. We talked about it for a few more minutes and then I asked him to promise me that he wouldn’t search for it. He is very tech savvy, so I had no doubt he could find it, if he wanted to. He told me at this point, he didn’t want to read it. He said one day down the road he would, but not now. I made him promise one more time and he did.
I told him I wouldn’t mind if he read them, I just thought it wouldn’t be the most healthiest thing for him right now. He agreed. However, I did end up reading him my very first post, as well as half of the second post. I wanted him to hear about how I wrote that I thought he was the best communicator and how much I appreciated his response to me about the whole 30 dates thing.
That led us to a conversation about eharmony and I asked him how long he had been on there. I was assuming we had joined around the same time. He said he had been on for awhile and had joined for a year. I was beginning to wonder how eharmony’s algorithm worked, because when I first joined, I had way more communication with guys than I do now. Recently, I have gone weeks without anyone contacting me and I actually do not have any more dates lined up for the rest of the year with other guys from eharmony. Not because I am giving up on the rest of my 30 dates, but because communication with new guys have decreased dramatically. I thought maybe they matched everyone that first joined around the same time and then as weeks went by, people started losing interest in the whole online dating thing or something. However, that was not the case with him, if he had been on there for several months. He said that he thought that when someone first joined, that is when they were matched with the people that were the most compatible. I am still getting matched with people each day, but they probably aren’t the most compatible with me and that is the reason I must not be interesting them enough for them to contact me. No more youth pastors and too many guys with their shirts off 🙂 Which makes me a little scared to think about what guys are receiving on their end.
I thanked him again for being willing to contact me in the first place and going out with me now 4 times. Especially because none of my pictures were in a bikini (I didn’t say that, but I thought it). Then he told me that if it weren’t for my whole 30 dates thing, he might not be sitting here today. Later, I asked him what he meant by that. He told me that when he read that in my profile, it made me stand out. He knew it would take the pressure away from both of us a bit. Plus he said that I was not his usual type of girl that he dated. Here, we go again, back to “types.” He had just gotten finished reading “The Sacred Search,” the book that he gave me on our first date. He explained that the book had changed his thinking a lot about dating. I finished that book a few weeks ago, so I knew what he meant. Here is one point that the author, Gary Thomas, says at the beginning of the book:
Guys are more inclined to experience romantic love with women they are attracted to physically, yet physical appearance is the thing most likely to change in a person’s life. Marriage isn’t about being young together; it’s about growing old together – and bodies change as we get older. If you don’t marry with that in mind, you’re going to make a major mistake – perhaps the biggest mistake of your life.
What draws most of us into marriage is rarely the ingredient that serves long-term happiness in marriage. Understanding this alone will help you make a wiser choice.
He told me that reading quotes like that, changed him. And he threw his type out the window. I am paraphrasing, but that was the general idea.
And by the way, if you are dating, looking to date, about to get married or know someone that is, I would highly recommend this book.
At first, I am not going to lie, that made me a bit self-conscious. For a fleeting second, I wondered if he wasn’t attracted to me at first, since I technically wasn’t his type. But then he explained more, that what he meant was; I was a bit taller, a bit blonder and a bit more “light-eyed” than most girls he had dated in the past. Plus the several comments he made about how he thought I was beautiful, came rushing back. One of his most recent texts that makes him live up to his nickname went like this:
“I don’t think you have ANY clue just how much I and the rest of the world love seeing that wonderfully beautiful and stunning smile of yours! It really does take my breath away sometimes. Seriously.”
So while, I may not have been his “type,” he knows how to make me feel beautiful.
After we left the park, we came back to my house to warm up. We played a board game twice, I won both times (his excuse was that my beauty was distracting him) and he helped grade papers from one of my classes. From there we went to dinner. On the way to dinner, I shared with him how there are many times in my life when I am with people and after a few hours with them, I am ready to NOT be with them anymore (that’s just being honest folks). But, that wasn’t the case with him. It was true, I was thinking it, so I thought I should tell him that. In the past, I would have been very reluctant to share that with a guy, wondering if he might take it that I am head over heels for him already. But Mr. KJWTS seems to understand me so much, that sharing things like that, does not make me nervous. He told me he was having a great time spending the day with me as well.
At dinner, as usual, I only ate half of my meal. When I looked down, it was the same for him. I remembered he only ate half of his meal on our first date too. I made a comment about it and he said, “I have a hard time eating around you.” What I found cute, was the fact that he shared that with me. That is what I like, we are open and honest with each other. I told him that I liked that I felt I could share with him my true feelings. I told him, that in the past, I was known as the “confusing girl” and it was probably because I didn’t share my feelings all the time, so the guy had no idea what I was thinking. But the reason for that was because half of the time, I didn’t know what I was feeling myself. I told him that I felt comfortable sharing my feelings with him, so if there is something he feels like I am keeping from him, it is because I just don’t quite know yet myself. He understood. Like he usually does. I thanked him again for being so patient with me and for letting me experience this process without any pressure.
After dinner, we went back to my house, but he left shortly after. When he got home, he texted me and told me that he would love to see me again, if God should choose to bless him that way. I wrote back right away that he could choose the next day for our 5th date, since he had been going with my schedule for the first 4. Yesterday, he texted me and said, “So you agreed to a 5th date, how is your freakout meter?” And again, I smiled. Because he gets me.
p.s. My freakout meter is doing just fine.
16 dates and counting down. Until next week when we have our 5th date.