Date 18 was my 6th date with Mr. Knows Just What To Say. So far dates 3, 9, 11, 14, 15 and 18 have all been with him. I sat here for about 20 minutes before starting this post trying to find a correlation between these numbers, the math teacher in me was certainly making an appearance. However 11 and 14 threw off the divisibility by 3 pattern and the Fibonacci sequence had no place in it at all. Oh well. I gave up and began the post.
Since Mr. KJWTS has been 6 out of my 18 dates, that means he has been a third of them. That is crazy to think about, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. On this date, I asked him how he was still feeling about me continuing these 30 dates (even though if things continue to go well, he is probably going to get quite a bit of my remaining dates). At the beginning of this journey, after meeting him, he said he was fine with the whole 30 dates thing. That was good, because if he wasn’t, I am not sure we would be where we are today. I don’t think I would have given it up for him so early on. However, now that we are spending more time together and feelings are growing a bit stronger, I wanted to make sure I was considering his feelings in this process and depending on his answer, I might have re-evaluated some things. He said he was still fine with it and I found myself breathing a sigh of relief. He told me at the beginning that he wants the best for me, so if I find that in another guy in my 30, he would be sad, but still happy for me. He said that still holds true for him. And for all I know, he could be going out on other dates as well.
On this date, I read him the blog post to our date 3 (my date 11, when it snowed and I postponed my date with Mr. Patient, to go to his house instead), and after he found out that I had cancelled a date that day, he told me he did too. I was actually kinda shocked. He said it was going to be a third date with a girl that he met either right before our first date or right after our first date, I couldn’t remember. But that after I said I would come to his house, he told her something had come up and cancelled and he hasn’t seen her since. That made me smile, but then it also made me realize that he WAS going out on other dates as well. Or at least he had, not sure if he still is, I didn’t ask. It didn’t bother me, because I, of course, have no room to talk. But apart of me did wonder if he was kissing any of them…
We had quite a bit of time in between our 5th and 6th dates and I realized that I missed him quite a bit. From December 5th through the 13th, he volunteered for a local Christmas charity that took up all his free time. Therefore, during that week, our texting was at a minimum. So going over 20 days from last seeing him and texting him less, the absence was making my heart grow fonder. However, I was a bit nervous that the absence was making his heart go wander (that phrase is courtesy of my best friend). A few days before our date, I had to just come out and ask him. Normally, I feel like his words are affirming, so I didn’t have to question him, but with his busy schedule, those were lacking. So I asked him ,”You still feeling ok about everything?” And by everything, I meant him and I, but he knew that already. He responded with “Yes, I’m looking forward to seeing you again.” The next day I even shared with him that before each past date, I would get nervous that when I saw him, I would realize that I didn’t like him as much as I thought, but now I was scared that when he saw ME, he would realize he didn’t like ME as much as he thought he did. His response was, “I’ll take that as a compliment and that you really like me and have grown much more comfortable with me. I’m really looking forward to spending the weekend with the most beautiful girl around!” That was cute, but it didn’t necessarily confirm his feelings. I kinda wanted him to tell me that I didn’t need to be scared about that, but I knew that it had been awhile since he saw me, so I couldn’t really expect more than that, right?
This is when I really realized how risky dating can be. He most certainly did not do anything wrong and his response was just fine. But I realized that with each day that passes by, you can never guarantee that the other person’s feelings will remain the same. Everyone, in the dating stages, has the right to change their mind. That is the beautiful, but also very scary part about dating. I am already “in it” pretty far with Mr. KJWTS (I know 6 dates to some is no big deal, but to me it is), that regardless what happens, if it didn’t end in a walk down the aisle, there will be some hurt feelings in the end. Whether it is me that changes my mind, or it is him that changes his mind or we just both realize that we are not compatible. I started getting nervous about getting my feelings hurt and then equally as nervous that I could be the one to hurt him. Here I go again, letting the uncertainty of the future cause anxiety in me. I needed to re-focus myself. We will be okay. I most certainly was not looking to marriage, even though most people like to jump there pretty quickly because of my age. I can barely see a month down the road, let alone think about marrying this guy. And that was okay.
That is the beauty of serving a Heavenly Father that loves us so much, because no matter what happens, no matter who comes in and out of my life, my identity is found in Jesus Christ alone. So that no matter what happens, I will be fine. Women (and men) that have not found their identity in Jesus, tend to feel empty without a spouse or dating partner. They go from guy to guy (or girl to girl), never fully seeking the love they are looking for. That is why, I feel so blessed to be able to lean on Jesus in times of anxiety and uncertainty. Mr. KJWTS will not always know just what to say. Even if we stay together past my 30 dates, he will hurt my feelings. It’s because he is a person, he is human. I will hurt his feelings, (I am sure I already have) and we will apologize to each other and offer grace and forgiveness to each other. And then we will do it all over again. That will happen in any relationship here on Earth. I am not expecting dating to be all rainbows and sunshine, I’ve certainly already learned that isn’t so. And I know that is the same with marriage as well. And that is the reason I just typed the above paragraphs. At first I was hesitant to share that I still had some apprehensions with everyone that reads this post, but I want to be real and let you see my heart a bit through this whole process.
I am pretty certain that some of the feelings I expressed above are good for me. It means, I actually do have feelings and, like Mr. KJWTS’ response indicated above, I liked him. And I was excited to see him after several weeks of waiting. I thought back to some of the affirmations that he would give me prior to date 5 and wondered if I was doing a good job actually affirming him as well. So this stretch of time, I made sure to tell him that I missed him and that I was excited to see him. And I constantly told him he was still my favorite.
On date 5 I had given him two Christmas presents, one that he opened right away, and one that I told him to wait until Christmas to open. However, there was one more thing that I wanted to give him, I just didn’t have it in time when I went to his house on date 5. It was a coffee mug that said “You’re My Favorite” on it. He drinks coffee each morning and I wanted it to be a reminder for him. I had ordered it and it had come in a few weeks ago. So when he arrived at my house for date 6, one of the first things that I did was hand him that gift. He opened it and said he loved it and then said he had something for me as well and went to his car to get it. I opened the wrapped box and in it was a hand painted plaque that read, “YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD WHEN YOU SMILE.”
Next he said he had a surprise for me and pulled out a new game that he bought for us to play. It is called “What?!? Oh…” and is a game for couples (or groups) to play to test each other’s listening skills. He said he searched games online for two players to play and found this game, so he ordered it. That was very thoughtful of him. I made some snacks for us and we played either 2 or 3 times and I won each time.
However, later we did play the game “Sequence” again (same game we played on date 4) and he finally won. And I didn’t even let him 😉
Prior to this date, I had asked him how he felt about meeting my parents and he was okay with the idea. So that was our plan. However, we went to dinner just the two of us first. I was just getting over some kind of cold from the week before and started not feeling the best after we ate. He said his stomach hurt a bit as well after dinner, but that it might just have been nerves in meeting my parents. I told him he had nothing to worry about and that my parents were nice people 🙂
So with his hand on my knee, he drove to my parents house for an evening of more game playing. When we arrived, my parents told him that he should feel special because he was their first guest in their new home. So we showed him around their newly renovated house and then got down to card playing. We started with Euchre and Mr. KJWTS and I were partners and we lost by one to my parents. He did a great job of holding his own though, both in the game and during conversations. At one point, during the game, I had my legs stretched out under the table and he leaned down and squeezed my feet. I took that as a sign he was feeling comfortable in their house. And it felt comforting to me as well. Next, we ended up playing another game as well and I don’t even remember who won, all I know is I lost. Then after a few more conversations, we left.
As we drove away, Mr. KJWTS let out a little laugh. I asked him what he was laughing for over there and he said, “Your parents are really cool.” I already knew that though, which is why I told him he had nothing to worry about.
When we got back to my house, even though it was pretty late, we decided to watch a Christmas movie to end the date. Sitting next to him, under a blanket, with his arms around me, I felt safe and no anxiety was to be found. When he left, I remember thinking, that I didn’t want him to leave. Although I knew our date 7 would come soon after I returned from a cruise to the Bahamas that my parents and I had planned for the week of Christmas. So that made it easier to say goodbye.
While on the cruise, we couldn’t use our cell phones, so it would be the first time since we first started communicating that we would go days without texting. That is unreal to me. I cannot believe we have texted every single day since September 19th.
On the 2nd day of the cruise, I decided to check my email by paying $0.75 a minute, to make sure everything was okay with my dog. I told the dog sitter to email me updates to ease my anxiety of leaving her alone for a week. I noticed I also had an email from Mr. KJWTS with an ending that said he missed me. I didn’t have time to reply, because it was taking a long time and paying $0.75 a minute was just crazy. So I signed off. At the end of the cruise, when we arrived back to the port, I turned on my phone. I had a text message from him on Christmas, thanking me for the gift I had given him but told him to wait to open. I had given him a really soft blanket because he has told me before that he buys his shirts based on the feel. Also, knowing I wouldn’t be able to answer, he had called the day after Christmas and left a voice mail telling me he was looking forward to seeing me again and that he hoped the cruise was going well. I was glad that the absence was not making his “heart go wander” too much and I texted him a good morning message, telling him we were back in South Carolina. We were both already looking forward to date 7.
12 dates and counting down. Until tomorrow when I write about the date that actually took place on the cruise ship.