Mr. Well Traveled and I had a date planned for Sunday. Remember him? I wrote about him in my post titled “A Cancelled Date 17.” Here is a quick summary of our history planning this date. We originally planned to go out in January and then I had a free evening one night, so I asked him if he wanted to move it up to December. He agreed, but then the next day said his mom was sick and he needed to move it back to January. But then he texted me again the next day and said that his mom was okay now and that he could still go out on the date if I still wanted. I had come down with a horrible cold the night before and just ended up staying home. So our date was set back to January. THEN I got sick again, this time with the flu and had to cancel our date planned for the Saturday of MLK weekend and postpone it to this weekend. I thought he would have given up on me by then, but he said he was still interested.
During the last couple months, he would text me every few days. The simple, “hey – how was your day” type of texts. I have a hard time having motivation answering those texts to people that I have not even met yet. I know that it is a conversation starter, but it usually leaves me answering, “good, you?” with a response of “that’s good, mine was good too” And then I’m bored. So a few times, Mr. Well Traveled and I would have those conversations and a few times I might not have responded. I started wishing that I hadn’t given out my number to guys that I haven’t even gone out with yet. Because in the midst of the “how was your day” texts with Mr. Well Traveled, my next weekend date and I were having the same conversations. Let’s call him Mr. P because his first name starts with a P and since I haven’t met him yet, I really do not know much about him at all.
Mr. Well Traveled wanted to step it up and move our texting conversations to phone conversations. I had already told him a few times that I preferred texting because I was not a phone talker. I don’t even talk on the phone with Mr. Knows Just What To Say. And after talking all day in my classroom teaching, I am not jumping for joy to talk some more with a guy that I have not even met yet. He didn’t really get the hint, even though I wasn’t sure how to make it much more clearer and he called a few times. Most of the time I would not answer, one time I did because I just felt badly. During that time we talked about what we would do on our date, even though it was pretty much already planned through text a few days prior. After deciding on going to the movie “Into The Woods” and dinner afterwards, he began asking the normal first date questions. “What do you like to do for fun?” I can’t remember if I answered him or not but then I told him that since we were meeting in a few short days on Sunday, maybe we can just have this conversation in person. He said okay and then joked that he hoped I didn’t get sick. I was hoping the same exact thing.
On Saturday, I was with some friends traveling to a basketball game over two hours away. I was driving but saw that Mr. Well Traveled texted. After about ten minutes, my phone began blowing up with text messages from him and I handed the phone to my best friend in the passenger seat to read them. Here is a condensed version of what she read to me.
“I wanted to talk to you, but you’re not responding.”
“I know you are busy, I don’t think this is going to work out, I am cancelling our date. I just started thinking about how you were going out on dates with other people and I don’t think I need to be apart of that.”
When I saw that, I understood. I have started feeling a bit badly going out on dates with other guys knowing how much I like Mr. KJWTS. I have been trying to figure out exactly how to handle it. I am so close to the end, that I don’t want to give it up now. If I made all of the rest of the dates with Mr. KJWTS, we would literally have to go out on a date every weekend until my birthday and our schedules just don’t align for that to happen. Mr. KJWTS is fine with me finishing my 30 dates with other guys because he told me that he knew what he was getting himself into in the beginning when I told him about my 30 dates. However, now I am feeling badly for the other guys. I don’t want them to feel used just so I can meet a quota. That is why before we agree on a date, I usually ask them if they are okay with going out on a first date, knowing I am going out on dates with other guys as well. I try to explain to them that I am not looking for a husband, just a fun evening together. Some guys are not okay with this and I totally understand. I wonder how I would react if the situation was reversed. However, some guys are all about it. They tell me that it takes the pressure off of them for a first date and that they would rather be out on a date than sitting home for an evening, so why not.
So the fact that Mr. Well Traveled had a change of heart was okay. I couldn’t blame the guy. But my phone kept lighting up. He kept going.
“I joined eharmony to find a wife.”
“I live about an hour away from you and I have a shop here and I am about to close on a new home, so unless you can see yourself moving here and starting a family, I don’t think we would work.”
“You are attending college and you have a life where you are, so I couldn’t ask you to give all of that up.”
“And I really don’t want to see Into The Woods anyway, it is a musical and I just don’t want to see that.”
“I am sorry that I am coming clean this way, but we don’t have the luxury to talk in person about this.”
“We can still be friends if you want, but I don’t want to be selfish.”
Ummm, wow. Thankfully I was not sick this weekend, but I think I might have just experienced word vomit. He would have been fine stopping after the first two messages. I understood then. So when we got to the game about 30 minutes later I texted him back.
Me: “I understand, we are probably looking for two different things right now. You are looking for a wife and I am looking to go out on a date. Sorry I didn’t respond right away, I was driving.”
Him: “No problem. Take care. No feelings hurt. Take care.”
Me: “Thanks, I wish you the best Mr. Well Traveled.”
Him: “You’re still pretty hot and I wish I was able to meet you, but my life is busy now still.”
Me: “It’s okay.”
Him: “It’s okay.”
And that was the end of that. Oh dear.
And then literally in the midst of that conversation, Mr. P (my next Sunday’s date) texted me and said that he was going to have to cancel our date. I think I might have literally laughed out loud. I wrote him back and said that I hoped I didn’t do anything wrong, but that I understood. He wrote back and said that he actually met another girl that he was going to pursue. I appreciated his honesty and was actually pretty excited for him. I told him that and we wished each other the best. At least that conversation didn’t leave my head spinning.
Maybe I should try my hardest to just go out on the rest of my dates with Mr. KJWTS. Maybe these cancellations were steering me that way.
And speaking of Mr. KJWTS, he was my date 22.
Let’s back up.
Earlier in the week, Mr. KJWTS and I had a texting conversation that left my feelings hurt. I am not going to go into detail but the gist of it was that we were not communicating the best about a particular topic and he didn’t really know just what to say that evening. I blame it on text because I am sure it would have been handled a lot better if it was a phone or a in person conversation. We ended the conversation stating that we would talk about it in person the next time we saw each other. I went to bed that night kinda sad but it didn’t leave me wanting to run. And that was a good thing. We had experienced a small “conflict” and all I could think about was that I wanted to work it out, no matter how much energy it took. I was hoping he felt the same way.
On Thursday evening, I told him that I missed him and that I wished we could see each other tomorrow. I didn’t think it was a possibility, especially on a Friday night, I was just telling him my wishful thinking. However, he surprised me and suggested that he drive down after work so we could go to dinner. After a few more texts of trying to decide if he was really serious, we had a plan. Part of the plan included him getting a hotel room to stay the night, so we could do brunch the following morning as well. Needless to say, I was excited and it made my day at work go a lot better, knowing I could spend the evening with him.
I got home from work that day, earlier than I ever have before and began cleaning my house. I reapplied my make-up, changed my clothes and as I was brushing my teeth, the doorbell rang.
After about an hour of deciding what to do and where to eat for the evening, we headed to dinner. Originally we planned to go see a movie afterwards but we both started calculating the time and realized that sitting in a movie might not be the best way to spend our short night together. So we just went to Starbucks instead. I was waiting for him to bring up “our tabled conversation” from earlier in the week, but he never did and I must admit I was a bit disappointed about that. But it didn’t seem to affect our time together and we had a good evening and Iaughed quite a bit. I always love when he laughs at the things I say. I, of course, didn’t want the night to end, but was extremely thankful that I knew we would have a bit more time in the morning. By this time, it was pretty late, so I am sure he was glad he didn’t have to drive two hours back home. After deciding on a time to go to brunch in the morning, he dropped me back off at my house and then headed to the hotel.
The next morning (well it was late morning -10:30 am- we both like to sleep in) he picked me up. When I opened the door he said, “You look beautiful this morning.” That was a nice way to start my day. We headed to a restaurant he had found to eat. Halfway through our meals, I couldn’t take it any longer. I came to the realization that he probably was not going to bring up the hard topic that needed to get discussed from earlier in the week. So I brought it up. As we discussed it, I found myself getting teary eyed. Once when I was talking, my voice got a little shaky and I think my eyes got watery. He looked at me and reached his hand out over the table. I put my hand in his and he said that he wished he could hug me right now. I told him that I was about to cry right now. He said, “I know, that is why I wish I could hug you.”
We talked for a few more minutes and ended the conversation with how to communicate better in the future. We have a small difference in how we communicate, so we realize that we will have to find a balance. We got up to leave and when he stopped by the register to pay for our meal, I walked outside. I still felt tears stinging my eyes and I was trying to hold myself together.
When he came outside, I think he could tell I was still sad, but he didn’t know what to say and we got in his car. He turned to kiss my cheek and I think I let a few tears drop. On the way home, we spent a few minutes in silence and then I grabbed his hand and said, “I still like you.” I think that was the first time I initiated the hand holding. He responded with, “I still like you too.” After another minute, he lifted up my hand and kissed it. He told me, “Holding hands with you means more to me than it ever did before because I know it is not a common thing for you to do.” I appreciated that comment and told him that I was glad he felt that way. He also glanced at me and said, “When you hurt, I hurt” and lifted my hand again to kiss it. I felt a bit silly for being emotional, but all girls are at some point, right? So even though I was hurting a bit, a part of me felt closer to him through this experience. I turned to him and said, “We will get better at communicating through the hard stuff.” He said, “Yes, we will get better.” I was relieved that he agreed with me because there were times during our conversation that I wondered if he would just end whatever we had going. Relationships have hard points and when both parties are willing to go through those points together and have those more difficult conversations, then the relationship can only grow. Although, I am fully aware that sometimes relationships just end when difficult times arise. Marriage is about promising to work through the hard times no matter what. Marriage is a commitment. But in dating, the other person is free to leave whenever they want. And I was not ready for this to end with Mr. KJWTS, so I am glad he agreed with me. We would get better.
We got back to my house and sat outside on my back porch for awhile. We were waiting until my best friend got home and I was excited to introduce them to each other. They had both heard a lot about the other person, but this would be the first time they met. When she got home, we talked for a bit longer outside and then it was time for him to leave. We hugged goodbye and he pulled away. As he left, I couldn’t help but feel blessed. He had driven to see me after a full day of work on Friday and spent $100 on a hotel room to be able to stay and see me again in the morning. And as hard as our brunch conversation was, it needed to happen. We needed to learn how to work out our misunderstandings.
When he got home he texted me and said, “Thank you so much for this weekend…every bit of it! And I miss you already…every part of you!”
I was already looking forward to the next time I saw him.
8 dates and counting down.