I currently have three part time jobs and while I could have spent the day preparing for one of them (I did do a bit of “LipSense work”, I will admit that), I instead decided to open up a dating app to see what was going on in the world of Bumble.
I haven’t been on this app since January I believe, but I actually re-activated it a few days ago when I was laying in bed and could not fall asleep for the life of me. It was 3 am and I had to get up for work the next morning, but my body wasn’t letting me fall asleep. So…I guess it’s time to fire up the good ole’ Bumble and see what was buzzing. I figured after that night, I would get too busy with school starting up, that I wouldn’t spend much time on it anyway.
But with absolutely no plans on this Saturday, I decided to start swiping again.
I have a love/hate relationship with online dating and apps. And if anyone else has been on them, you will know exactly what I mean. On one hand, I think it can be a wonderful way to meet someone you would have never met otherwise. I believe there are a lot of wonderful and potential matches out there, that just might not be in your radius. Or maybe they are, but you just haven’t bumped into them at the grocery store yet – which has always been a dream of mine actually – to meet my future husband as I walk up and down the produce section.
Anyway, my hate comes from the fact that nothing usually seems to change when I sign back on and begin communicating with my matches. I know, I know, why do I keep doing this to myself? In fact, I actually despise the word “swipe” to indicate a level of interest, but alas it is 2017.
However, tonight after “swiping” through a few potential matches and having a conversation with one of them, I realized how badly I wish I could teach an Online Dating Course. I know that seems ridiculous that I even think I have something to teach others, since I have obviously not had a successful relationship come out of one. But if someone were willing to listen to my suggestions, I really think I could help. Ha! It’s the teacher in me. I have room in my life for a fourth part time job, right?!
So let me explain:
For the most part, dating apps are free, so unlike eHarmony, you will find many guys on there with a wide variety of desires. This could stem anywhere from a desire to find a serious relationship leading to marriage all the way to just wanting to “text,” with no intention of ever meeting. Usually it’s somewhere in between.
To give you an idea of what I experienced tonight and what inspired this post, let me introduce you to Mr. Cynical.
Mr. Cynical and I connected because we both “swiped right” on a dating app called Bumble at 3 am in the morning.
By the way, if you are single and have not read Levi Lusko’s Swipe Right yet, I highly recommend it. Ironically, I was recommended the book sometime last year by one of my matches.
Anyway, I have a love/hate relationship with Bumble because it requires the woman to initiate conversation. On one hand, it’s kind of nice to have the control of who I message. However, on the other hand, I will always have that innate desire to be pursued first. But I guess I can live with sending the first message and seeing what happens from there. The pursuit really only comes into affect after a few “get to know you” messages anyhow.
So my first message to Mr. Cynical (although that wasn’t his name at the time), was asking him what he was doing up so late. I actually hesitated even connecting with him because in his “info section” he stated that he was looking for a woman who liked to exercise and eat healthy. Which is usually just a politically correct way of saying he wanted a woman with a good body. Anyway he didn’t end up responding, but messaged me the next day and said he had fallen asleep. I had “opened” the chat by my first message and now I was leaving it up to him to guide the conversation. But he didn’t say anything else, so I didn’t respond.
Today I received a message from him asking me where I lived. Which I also found a bit odd becuase that is stated in the profile. But I responded this time and double checked his info section.
He changed it to this:
I think that girls have it in their head that if they say hey, and then you reply, and they wait forever to reply back that it makes guys want them more or something, not this guy. I see it as blatant disrespect and will unmatch you. If you can’t reply in reasonable time then don’t match me!
I couldn’t decide if he was referring to me or not. We were stil matched, so I seemed safe. But would you be surprised if I told you I really didn’t have any desire to keep communicating with him after reading that?
Here is how the rest of our conversation went:
Me: Your info section is interesting.
Mr. Cynical: Yeah, I’m tired of all the dumb games, so I just changed it to that. Hopefully it will weed em out.
Me: Haha…I don’t know.
Mr. Cynical: You don’t know what?
Me: Do you want my opinion?
Mr. Cynical: Sure
Me: Ok, it’s just one opinion…and it’s okay if you disagree… but here is what I look for in the info section…you only have so many characters to write something that makes you stand out amongst the rest. So I like when guys talk about who they are as a person.
Here is where the desire of teaching that class came into play…ha. Why I think people want to learn from me, I have no idea! I can tell you that he didn’t.
Mr. Cynical: Oh I had that before..
No, he didn’t. He put he wanted a healthy-eating, exercise loving, kinda girl.
Mr Cynical: …I always get this stupid game of the girl saying hey, me replying and then them never replying or taking like 3 days to reply. It’s flat out ridiculous. So what I had before in the info section, clearly didn’t work.
Me: Okay. I guess it’s just the nature of the app.
Mr. Cynical: Nooooo! It’s the nature of the female.
Is his nickname making a little more sense to you yet?!
Me: Some…I’m sure that is true. But you know not all females are the same, right?
Mr. Cynical: I do, but roughly 90% are eerily similar in my opinion. They all play hard to get, like to shop and buy crap that they don’t need all the time. I have been doing this a long time.
Me: You must attract the same kind then.
Mr. Cynical: Haha nooo…they all think alike and girls do all that girl talk…so they all express their opinions together to form this united conspiracy against men. Men don’t talk like that or share our crap near as much.
At this point, I started to wonder if he remembered that he was still talking to a female.
Me: How are you going to put up with being married to one?
Mr. Cynical: I only lasted 2 years the one time I did that. So I guess there’s your answer.
Me: Haha yep!
Mr. Cynical: Now you are probably red flagging me in that head of yours!
I actually “red flagged” him way back when I read his info section for the second time. But I certainly wasn’t going to tell him that and add to his hatred for women.
Me: True. I am sorry it hasn’t worked out for you.
Mr. Cynical: It works out fine. I just go with the flow.
I think this is my point to stop replying. There really isn’t much that needs to be said. Until like 20 minutes later he says this…
Mr. Cynical: You are pretty by the way.
Whew! I thought his next message was going to be him chewing me out that I didn’t respond.
Me: Thank you!
Mr. Cynical: You are welcome.
While calling me pretty was way better than what I expected, that obviously did not change my desire of wanting to continue chatting with this guy.
So I instead started writing down an outline for the first class in “Dating Online 101.” Just Kidding! There is no outline…on paper anyway!
Most of my dating app conversations have been pretty similar to that one, or we just don’t make it past the first few questions of “What do you like to do for fun?” and “Why are you still single?” type questions.
But every once and awhile there will be someone that stands out like a shiny gold star.
This happened to me back in April.
On a different app, I ran across a profile of a man that described himself like this:
“A Christian who is serious about faith, purpose, and the calling to be a follower of Jesus.”
Can you see why I immediately tried to connect with him?!
Since this was a different app, anyone could message the other one first. So as excited as I was, I even broke my first rule of letting the guy be the first one to reach out to me. I mean, come on, did you read what he wrote above or should I type it out again?!
The only problem is when I get eager to connect with someone that loves Jesus, I may come across a bit desperado.
Miss Desperado (that’s me): I stopped using this app awhile ago because it got to be pointless, but randomly started it back up a few days ago. I told myself I was only going to connect with guys that actually mentioned Jesus in their profile and who I could see myself being physically drawn to…
Sidenote: He was a good-looking guy.
…but I know our distance isn’t ideal.
Another sidenote: He lives somewhere in NC – I think the Northern part, so I think we are several hours apart from each other. However, distance wasn’t going to keep me from connecting with him. Although, it seemed to be a deal breaker for him. I guess, who can blame the guy?
Follower of Jesus: Haha! I am flattered. I agree…I download and delete this app often. Yours was the first profile up and it was a bit refreshing. I initially thought you lived in NC, only 30 mins from me, but now I see that you live in SC…bummer.
Miss Desperado (again, remember, this is me): Refreshing is a word I would have used as well when seeing you mention your heart for Jesus. So do you feel the distance makes it pointless to chat?
Follower of Jesus: No, it doesn’t make it pointless…I’m always up for making a new friend. You can add me on Facebook if you would like. Just look me up.
He proceeded to give me his last name.
And here is where I break my second rule.
I almost NEVER add guys on Facebook that I meet on dating apps. Mainly because I don’t really KNOW them and secondly because they will probably post about their engagement in a few short months and that is certainly something that is missing in my newsfeed – ha! Don’t worry, I am not turning into Miss Cynical or anything.
And I really am not desperate either. After breaking my rule and adding Follower of Jesus to my list of Facebook friends, I knew that if the Lord wanted us to meet, He would make it happen. If not, then He would make something else happen with someone else…one day.
So those are my two extremes – I have a ton of stories that mirror what happened with Mr. Cyncial and even a few similar stories of what happened with Follower of Christ, but both usually end the same way.
Me deciding to shut down the app again.
So who knows, maybe dating apps are just not going to be used in my happily ever after story. Or maybe they will be. But there will be a story. I’m convinced of it. Yes, I have my cynical moments and fleeting seconds that I forget that God has a plan. But I always come back to the fact that there WILL be a story.
About a month ago, my mom’s cousin visited us at the lake and she was telling a story about someone she knew who mentioned to his friends and family that he would pay them $10,000 if they found his future wife. Someone eventually did set him up with his future wife and when I asked if he ever paid the $10,000, she said no.
So maybe that’s my answer. And I would follow through with it too! But I cannnot afford $10,000, so either I am going to need to drastically lower that number or I can pay you in montly payments of $50. Who am I kidding? My budget is as firm as…as firm as…Mr. Cynical’s view on women, so I can’t even afford that. Then again…if I start teaching that course and charge…
Okay, friends, I am going to end this post before I really start typing out that outline. But thanks for reading. Writing these posts keeps me hopeful and actually gives me an entertaining Saturday night.
And don’t you worry – I am STILL trusting AND believing and I will NEVER settle for less than God’s plan.
So until my next story…