Free Communication Weekend!

I have this idea. And I will introduce the idea to you at the end. But until then, let me give you some background information.

So….

I am back in the eHarmony world folks. I know, I know….some of you are thinking “When you stop trying, that is when you will find your husband.”

“You will find your future spouse when you least expect it, so just sit back and wait already!”

I’ve heard your comments, I know those thoughts.

But before you go thinking that I am not letting Jesus take the wheel anymore, let me briefly explain.

Those that think/say those comments maybe believe that because that is what happened to them, they are basing their thoughts on their own experiences. However, there is a whole ‘nother camp, that told me in my 20s (when I did just sit back and do nothing  – when dating sites and apps were non-existent in my life) that I need to put myself out there – that Prince Charming wasn’t just going to show up at my front door.

So, I have heard it all. I have heard your advice. And I appreciate it all because I know it stems from a place of love and caring. But in the end, God can and WILL use whatever vehicle He wants to. He can use eHarmony or he can use a UPS truck. I envision a UPS guy delivering a package, knocking on my door and wha-la there is my husband! Does God’s plan change based on my actions…well, that is a topic for a different time. And an answer that I may never truly know until I get to heaven one day.

But in the meantime [and I am typing this out mainly for myself], I want to make it clear that I have in no way lowered my expectations or lost trust in the Lord by getting on dating apps and dating sites every once and awhile. In fact, I know what I am looking for now, more than I ever did in my 20s – when I spent the weekends dateless, just praying for God’s will. I still pray for God’s will, dont get me wrong. But now because of these electronic vehicles, I now have a date every once and awhile. Although it has been three months since my last date. Which did not happen from an app or site, by the way. But that’s another post in itself as well.

Plus eHarmony is a sly one. I receive emails from them ever since I ended my subscription and I usually just delete them without even looking at the subject line. But they got me this weekend with their “free communication weekend” promo and all.

I easily clicked on the bookmarked tab on my laptop and signed in to see what was new in the eHarmony world. And that is when I saw I had 99+ messages in my inbox. I realized…actually, I think I knew this before…but when you end your subscription to eHarmony, your profile stays on the site. So guys are being matched with me and sending me questions or messages, thinking I am just not responding. The only way to avoid this is to delete my profile altogether, but when I tried that, they warned me that if I ever wanted to get back on, I would have to re-take the questionnaire. So I never delete it altogether. I just cancel my subscription and my profile stays in tact. It’s also a good way to get “cancellers” back on, because hello…99 messages?!?! Who wouldn’t be intrigued?!

Here is the catch – as I was going through the messages, I couldn’t see any photos. So here I am reading the different messages – some sweet, most of them generic, and some that just made me laugh – like this one:

You’re pretty much the only woman I’ve seen on this site that doesn’t creep the living hell out if me. Do you like egg salad sandwiches? 😉

So I can’t start conversations with all 99 of them… I would be here for a year doing that! So that’s when I see at the bottom of my screen that I can convieniently re-subscribe to see photos for a mere $9.95 a month for a 3 month subscription.

And there you have it…I was back in the game!

Going through the profiles of the guys that had sent me messages, I almost immediately regretted my decision. I was back in familiar territory, to say the least, but why did I think that this time would be any different than the other times I have tried it?!?! I envisioned going on another 30 dates or so, only to remain in this same state a year from now. The thought exhausted me!

But I responded to a few messages anyway. One message simply said, “Hey! How are you doing today?!” While, I actually read a few messages way more intriguing than that one, I found myself responding to him. The “how are you” message was delievered on May 6th by the way.

Me: Sorry for this ridiculously late response – I hadn’t paid for a subscription for about a year, but forgot to put that in my profile before I cancelled. So I guess I was still getting matched. Anyway, this weekend I decided to sign back on and have been going through messages. Are you still on here?

Him (I have yet to come up with a nickname for him and I want to be careful when I do because who knows how many blog posts might be about this one – ha!) Hey!! Thats totally understandable. I actually did the same thing myself – haha. About a month ago I was praying and just told the Lord, ” I’m gonna take a break from the whole online thing and see what you’re gonna do.” So I hadn’t been on at all. I pulled my email up today and saw you had messaged me -haha. I really liked that the first thing you said in your profile was about your passion for Jesus. That’s such a rare thing to find these days! To me there’s nothing greater than to serve the Lord!

So we’ve been messaging back and forth the past couple of days. He hasn’t asked me out yet and I am torn in which way I am feeling about that:

View #1 – I am having fun messaging you. I look forward to reading your messages and get a small excited feeling when I see one pop up. Let’s just continue this. I am nervous if we meet, things will no longer be exciting. We won’t have chemistry and you will just be another story for another blog post.

View #2 – Please just ask me out already! I know you are probably trying to be considerate and giving me time, but the more I message you, the more I like you… and I don’t want to like you until I know I can like you in person too.

Ha! Does that make sense?!

You can’t blame me for siding with #1’s thoughts because that has pretty much been my experience with all but one of my dates. The exception was the date that actually turned into a relationship.

So I am kinda leaning toward #2, but I am trying my hardest to let him lead and not be the one to suggest us meeting.

Which made me start thinking about our future date. If it ever gets to that point…

I have been on a lot of good dates. In fact, when someone asks me to tell a story about a bad date, I have a hard time thinking of one. But the problem is, rarely are the dates great.

I, of course, desire for this next date to be a great one. So I started thinking “If I were my best friend, what advice would I give this guy to ensure he had a great date with me.”

And this morning, I woke up at 5:50am with a bunch of ideas for a blog post for that very topic! I think I am going to title it “5 Pieces of Advice to Men to Guarantee a Great Date.”

I am still wrestling through the selfishness in it all. But I also think it could be a good read! I am sure there are a ton of pieces already written very similar out there. But how fun would it be to use my experience and state my 5 pieces of advice personally?

So as I was laying in bed thinking about what I would put in a post like that one, I grabbed my laptop and started typing. But I just spent the past 1516 words explaining the back story to you. So I have decided to make this my intro post and write another post about what makes a date great totally separate.

So in the meantime, I want to hear from you! Maybe I can include other women’s thoughts about what the difference is between a good and a great date. Yes, we all know that it is the unexplained chemistry that two people have together. But what I want to know is – what are some things that are said and done on a date that shows that you two have chemistry???

I know what I would say – so be looking for those in my next post!

Because you know if I wake up before 6am (heck, before 10am) on my day off, it must be because I feel inspired!

And, I will take thoughts from men too – I don’t mean to discriminate.

Looking forward to seeing if other people have the same thoughts as myself!

online dating1

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Free Communication Weekend!

  1. Libby says:

    Elisa
    To answer your question, the guy and I were casually talking on the phone when he mentioned he was hungry. I was as well so he said let’s go grab something to eat. 10 minutes enough time? I of course said sure and ran around like a crazy person but got ready. As we we’re driving he asked me where I wanted to get food. I mentioned it was Friday of Lent and being Catholic we don’t eat meat. He said oh I didn’t know that.
    He drove 35 minutes to a restaurant that he knew had fish so it could be quiet to eat and had something I could eat.

    We will be married 10 years in November. He became Catholic on our wedding day. “He told our priest, he wanted what I had. That faith that keeps me going”

    You got this girl

    Like

  2. Kirk Chwialkowski says:

    Elisa, thanks again for always being authentic and sharing your heart. I laughed at that comment of that one young man about you being the only one who didn’t “creep him out” and if you like’d egg sandwiches.

    Okay, this is probably your first “male” suggestion for a “good first date”.

    A good first date from a guys perspective and in my opinion is just to enjoy it. Have fun, and be yourself, be authentic. Why not, you have nothing to loose at this point anyway. A date with no expectations on either side. A date just to see what you all have in common, if you both like each others personality, and also IF there may be that “chemistry” to assist in taking it to the next step.

    Of course primarily for the guy, there is always the physical, which either breaks it or makes it right out of the gate. Sorry Ladies, that is just how God put us together. But if he has seen your profile on line, that element should be behind him by the time you actually meet. Once he see’s you in person should only affirm his moving on to those other attributes mentioned above.

    The “next step” in my opinion is just simply another date. Maybe to an event or place just to hang out for a longer period of time and see how compatible you both are with each other. Then may be take it to the “next step”, which in my opinion is another date. Do you see the trend here? You cannot really judge your connection with this person, be it emotional, intellectual, or even physical, until you get to know the real person. That takes time and several dates. Of course all this is just my opinion.

    May the Lord bless you both in this process!
    Dad

    Like

  3. K says:

    I admire the fact you have the confidence to get on dating sites! I can’t even get past the”full body” or “upper half” pictures they require you to upload to even start a profile!!! Needless to say, I’m in the “waiting on a UPS man, stranded boater, or crashing plane” boat teeheehee!

    Like

  4. Ann says:

    To Elisa,
    One of my very close friends! You don’t know a person by the first date, so be “open” so to speak during the date and don’t close that door until God tells you to!
    In my opinion you have to go on many dates before you can ask the Lord what He wants you do to?
    In my opinion if you grow and date a man that becomes your husband later on, the great dates are those that you both are yourselves and enjoy each other’s company! (I remember I dated Mark at least 2/3 weeks before I started to check my list of boxes I had wanted in my husband).
    While Mark and I were dating, one memory that stands out was when he was gone to trainings with the military, we couldn’t talk on the phone at all, but we wrote letters back and forth. I still have them in a box of keepsakes that I have. I love to go back 11 years ago by reading them! They are what started our life together, and who knew at that time where we would be now, but we were real and vulnerable with each other!

    Anyway, he came back early and didn’t tell me, he somehow had my parents involved and came to the house in a vehicle I didn’t even recognize (so he thought everything out). Apparently he was hiding in the house, after my parents let him in, again he didn’t ring the doorbell- he planned it all out!
    I was walking up the stairs from the basement when he said “hello gorgeous,” standing there in his uniform. (by the way did I mention, I love guys in uniform/ suits)

    Back to my story- he came over the second that he could, even before seeing his own parents, he said he couldn’t wait to be with me!! He also brought flowers with him, and a few other gifts for me. (I just wanted to spend time with him, the gifts were a bonus)

    We ended up talking awhile with my parents in our living room, they eventually went to bed. I just love it because he surprised me and after my parents went to bed we were able to just cuddle and talk to get to know each other more! That to me is quality time. When a guy wants to come over spend time with you, and by the way was there for 4/5 hours.

    Another time was when we went over to Leah’s house and had dinner with the whole family! So at the time Jessica (Jeremy’s sister, I believe she is a year or two younger than us) had a 1.5 year old little girl. In front of the whole family he started to play with her, and she was laughing and they were running around the living room! (Mind you he was a stranger, but she was so drawn to him) that was another time I remember thinking he would be an excellent dad! At that time I knew if we continually dated I wouldn’t ever be worried about whether or not he would be a good dad. (Basically, I checked off another box I had on my list).

    Mark always listened when we talked, he heard what I said and surprised me a lot by making those dates, or what I like happen! 11 years later he still does this! (Elisa, you know recently was Chipotle) haha
    The dates were never extravagant, but him making the effort and us spending time together grew our relationship to the next level.

    If I didn’t give him a chance to see if he checked off my list of boxes I had, and shut him down on the first date (remember I wasn’t attracted to him at first, that grew) then we wouldn’t be where we are today!
    So don’t have any expectations going in, enjoy the time together, you never know if you’ll be lookin back at your dates and memories together!!
    Hope this helps and I love you friend!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s