I have this idea. And I will introduce the idea to you at the end. But until then, let me give you some background information.
I am back in the eHarmony world folks. I know, I know….some of you are thinking “When you stop trying, that is when you will find your husband.”
“You will find your future spouse when you least expect it, so just sit back and wait already!”
I’ve heard your comments, I know those thoughts.
But before you go thinking that I am not letting Jesus take the wheel anymore, let me briefly explain.
Those that think/say those comments maybe believe that because that is what happened to them, they are basing their thoughts on their own experiences. However, there is a whole ‘nother camp, that told me in my 20s (when I did just sit back and do nothing – when dating sites and apps were non-existent in my life) that I need to put myself out there – that Prince Charming wasn’t just going to show up at my front door.
So, I have heard it all. I have heard your advice. And I appreciate it all because I know it stems from a place of love and caring. But in the end, God can and WILL use whatever vehicle He wants to. He can use eHarmony or he can use a UPS truck. I envision a UPS guy delivering a package, knocking on my door and wha-la there is my husband! Does God’s plan change based on my actions…well, that is a topic for a different time. And an answer that I may never truly know until I get to heaven one day.
But in the meantime [and I am typing this out mainly for myself], I want to make it clear that I have in no way lowered my expectations or lost trust in the Lord by getting on dating apps and dating sites every once and awhile. In fact, I know what I am looking for now, more than I ever did in my 20s – when I spent the weekends dateless, just praying for God’s will. I still pray for God’s will, dont get me wrong. But now because of these electronic vehicles, I now have a date every once and awhile. Although it has been three months since my last date. Which did not happen from an app or site, by the way. But that’s another post in itself as well.
Plus eHarmony is a sly one. I receive emails from them ever since I ended my subscription and I usually just delete them without even looking at the subject line. But they got me this weekend with their “free communication weekend” promo and all.
I easily clicked on the bookmarked tab on my laptop and signed in to see what was new in the eHarmony world. And that is when I saw I had 99+ messages in my inbox. I realized…actually, I think I knew this before…but when you end your subscription to eHarmony, your profile stays on the site. So guys are being matched with me and sending me questions or messages, thinking I am just not responding. The only way to avoid this is to delete my profile altogether, but when I tried that, they warned me that if I ever wanted to get back on, I would have to re-take the questionnaire. So I never delete it altogether. I just cancel my subscription and my profile stays in tact. It’s also a good way to get “cancellers” back on, because hello…99 messages?!?! Who wouldn’t be intrigued?!
Here is the catch – as I was going through the messages, I couldn’t see any photos. So here I am reading the different messages – some sweet, most of them generic, and some that just made me laugh – like this one:
You’re pretty much the only woman I’ve seen on this site that doesn’t creep the living hell out if me. Do you like egg salad sandwiches? 😉
So I can’t start conversations with all 99 of them… I would be here for a year doing that! So that’s when I see at the bottom of my screen that I can convieniently re-subscribe to see photos for a mere $9.95 a month for a 3 month subscription.
And there you have it…I was back in the game!
Going through the profiles of the guys that had sent me messages, I almost immediately regretted my decision. I was back in familiar territory, to say the least, but why did I think that this time would be any different than the other times I have tried it?!?! I envisioned going on another 30 dates or so, only to remain in this same state a year from now. The thought exhausted me!
But I responded to a few messages anyway. One message simply said, “Hey! How are you doing today?!” While, I actually read a few messages way more intriguing than that one, I found myself responding to him. The “how are you” message was delievered on May 6th by the way.
Me: Sorry for this ridiculously late response – I hadn’t paid for a subscription for about a year, but forgot to put that in my profile before I cancelled. So I guess I was still getting matched. Anyway, this weekend I decided to sign back on and have been going through messages. Are you still on here?
Him (I have yet to come up with a nickname for him and I want to be careful when I do because who knows how many blog posts might be about this one – ha!) Hey!! Thats totally understandable. I actually did the same thing myself – haha. About a month ago I was praying and just told the Lord, ” I’m gonna take a break from the whole online thing and see what you’re gonna do.” So I hadn’t been on at all. I pulled my email up today and saw you had messaged me -haha. I really liked that the first thing you said in your profile was about your passion for Jesus. That’s such a rare thing to find these days! To me there’s nothing greater than to serve the Lord!
So we’ve been messaging back and forth the past couple of days. He hasn’t asked me out yet and I am torn in which way I am feeling about that:
View #1 – I am having fun messaging you. I look forward to reading your messages and get a small excited feeling when I see one pop up. Let’s just continue this. I am nervous if we meet, things will no longer be exciting. We won’t have chemistry and you will just be another story for another blog post.
View #2 – Please just ask me out already! I know you are probably trying to be considerate and giving me time, but the more I message you, the more I like you… and I don’t want to like you until I know I can like you in person too.
Ha! Does that make sense?!
You can’t blame me for siding with #1’s thoughts because that has pretty much been my experience with all but one of my dates. The exception was the date that actually turned into a relationship.
So I am kinda leaning toward #2, but I am trying my hardest to let him lead and not be the one to suggest us meeting.
Which made me start thinking about our future date. If it ever gets to that point…
I have been on a lot of good dates. In fact, when someone asks me to tell a story about a bad date, I have a hard time thinking of one. But the problem is, rarely are the dates great.
I, of course, desire for this next date to be a great one. So I started thinking “If I were my best friend, what advice would I give this guy to ensure he had a great date with me.”
And this morning, I woke up at 5:50am with a bunch of ideas for a blog post for that very topic! I think I am going to title it “5 Pieces of Advice to Men to Guarantee a Great Date.”
I am still wrestling through the selfishness in it all. But I also think it could be a good read! I am sure there are a ton of pieces already written very similar out there. But how fun would it be to use my experience and state my 5 pieces of advice personally?
So as I was laying in bed thinking about what I would put in a post like that one, I grabbed my laptop and started typing. But I just spent the past 1516 words explaining the back story to you. So I have decided to make this my intro post and write another post about what makes a date great totally separate.
So in the meantime, I want to hear from you! Maybe I can include other women’s thoughts about what the difference is between a good and a great date. Yes, we all know that it is the unexplained chemistry that two people have together. But what I want to know is – what are some things that are said and done on a date that shows that you two have chemistry???
I know what I would say – so be looking for those in my next post!
Because you know if I wake up before 6am (heck, before 10am) on my day off, it must be because I feel inspired!
And, I will take thoughts from men too – I don’t mean to discriminate.
Looking forward to seeing if other people have the same thoughts as myself!